Piffy: Is anyone in this fic innocent at this point? *beat* Oh, right. Akumione’s parents. But they’re dead.
Serleina: *renews the onslaught of bad Dead Parents jokes*
‘I had played a game in which every move was governed by a destiny as oppressive and omnipotent as himself, since that destiny was himself; and I had lost. Lost at that charade of innocence and vice in which he had engaged me. Lost as the victim loses to the executioner.’ – Angela Carter, The Bloody Chamber
Rena: *snickers at the title of the reference*
Piffy: I feel like this needs vital context to be comprehensible.
‘I told him I was going to betray you… and he believed me because I was corrupt and full of wickedness; he looked so deep I felt sure he’d see the truth. But I lied too well. I was lying with every nerve and fiber and everything I’d ever done… I wanted him to find no good in me, and he didn’t. There is none.’ ― Philip Pullman, The Amber Spyglass
Piffy: You know, maybe that isn’t a great relationship to get into.
”I was on the way to, at least, social salvation till I saw you again!’ he said, freakishly shaking her as if she were a child.
Sigyn: Why are you shaking her? That’s not very cash money of you.
Piffy: Also, why do you shake children?
Drepanon: Why wouldn’t you shake children?
Sigyn: Shut up for proving her point.
Serena (aka Rini, to prevent confusion with Serleina): Is it too late for another muse to join?
Sigyn: I’m gonna say it’s never too late! 😀
‘And why then have you tempted me? I was firm as a man could be till I saw those eyes and that mouth again – surely there never was such a maddening mouth since Eve’s!’
Piffy: Is he implying Eve convinced Adam to eat the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge by giving him a blow job?
Nathaniel: I’ve heard of less convincing things.
Trent: Of course you have. You’re a lawyer.
Sigyn: This reminds me of, in the third season of You, Love trying to say that Natalie was unhappy and killed herself, and Joe was like, “WITH AN AXE!?”
His voice sank, and a hot archness shot from his own black eyes. ‘You temptress, Tess; you dear damned witch of Babylon-I could not resist you as soon as I met you again.” – Thomas Hardy, Tess of the D’Urbervilles
Ernest: *rolls eyes* I hate it when guys get like this. At least own it when you’ve let your dick make bad decisions for you.
Nathaniel and Trent: Right?
Alert – Take cover. This is not a drill. Repeat – this is not a drill.
Averna: *playing with power tools* You’re right! This is a nail gun.
Nathaniel: Ooh, kinky.
Rini: I prefer analog weapons. Like knives. Attached to wrists.
The heady fight to try!’ – Charlotte Bronte, Passion
Sigyn: So, disclaimer. I had to paste this into Google Docs on my phone because it wouldn’t paste into WordPress on mobile browser. Much of the original formatting may be lost.Anyway, we have some new faces with us today.
Piffy: We’ve had the Man With Eyes Like Polished Bone on here before, but he was post-canon. I’m hoping a pre-canon version will be a better fit. Less amnesia, more experience with how people work.
The Man With Eyes Like Polished Bone: *decked out in red and gold silks and probably ten pounds of jewelry* *waves * Well met. Piffy has promised me an AU where the ugly business with the Man With Eyes Like Dark Clouds doesn’t happen, on the condition I accompany her to this reading.
Sigyn: We’ve also got these two. They’re not original characters; they’re from Crazy Ex-Girlfriend and I roleplay as them in a private Facebook group. They’ll be portrayed as their AU selves, not their canon selves, for the purpose of sporking this fic.
Nathaniel: *nods, looking down his nose disdainfully at the fic*
Trent: *waves cheerily*
Cin: You, Gryffindor-looking guy. Do you have a name? Like a name that people in this reality would use?
The Man With Eyes Like Polished Bone: Of course. I’m named–
Piffy: We’re calling him Ernest.
Ernest: Y-you are?
Piffy: I got someone else to name a post-canon you on a roleplay server to preserve With Eyes Like canon as a Nameless Narrative.
Ernest: … Very well. I shall answer to the name Ernest.
Cin: Okay, that’s a decent name.
Sigyn: Also, because of how much of a pain in the ass this was to format on WordPress, going forward, we’re thinking of switching to Blogger.
‘He’s always, always in my mind — not as a pleasure, any more than I am always a pleasure to myself — but as my own being.’ – Emily Bronte, Wuthering Heights
Sigyn:
HERMIONE JANE GRANGER. F. AGE: 17.
Sigyn: Not to be That Fan, but her middle name is actually Jean. Rowling was initially going to have it as Jane, but changed it after giving Umbridge “Jane” as a middle name.
Displays features of – A. Severe Depression B. Anxiety Disorder C. Obsessive Behaviour
D. Self-harm
E. A Goat.
ADMITTED FOR LONG TERM RESIDENTIAL TREATMENT. BUILDING RESTRICTION UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE. TWENTY-FOUR HOUR WATCH.
Cin: Not that Hermione shouldn’t be committed at this point, but… lolwut?
Sigyn: Why would she be under building restriction? She’s not a flight risk!
Piffy: Maybe she gets double-kidnapped by St. Mungo’s!
Sigyn: I have the perfect mood music for that!
Piffy: It’s Mungomort and the Brain-Eaters!
Sigyn: What a great name for an album. I’ll pitch to Wholesome!Lucius when he’s old enough to music. (He was born July 1st, by the way.)
‘How blessed are some people, whose lives have no fears, no dreads, to whom sleep is a blessing that comes nightly, and brings nothing but sweet dreams.’ – Bram Stoker, Dracula
Sigyn: How blessed are some people who know how to quote something other than Dracula, Shakespeare, Tolkein, and the dictionary. Also, why aren’t you quoting The Picture of Dorian Gray or something like that? It would be far more apropos.
”What do you mean?’ said Frodo. ‘Surely the Ring was his precious and the only thing he cared for? But if he hated it, why didn’t he get rid of it or go away and leave it?’
‘You ought to begin to understand, Frodo, after all you have heard,’ said Gandalf. ‘He hated it and loved it, as he hated and loved himself. He could not get rid of it. He had no will left in the matter.” – J . R . R . Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring
Sigyn: Why are you bringing LOTR into this? I understand that series is quite well-written.
Piffy: Because it’s not bad fantasy until it takes something that worked for Tolkien and forgets to weave the loose ends back in.
Sigyn: as in, “good GRIEF, there’s 35 more chapters of this.”
‘Methought I heard a voice cry ‘Sleep no more!Macbeth does murder sleep… Glamis hath murder’d sleep, and therefore Cawdor shall sleep no more; Macbeth shall sleep no more.’ – William Shakespeare, Macbeth
Piffy: I actually like “murdered sleep” as an expression for causing insomnia. We should bring that back.
‘ESTRAGON: It’d be better if we parted.
VLADIMIR: You always say that, and you always come crawling back.
ESTRAGON: The best thing would be to kill me, like the other.
VLADIMIR: What other? (Pause) What other?
ESTRAGON: Like billions of others.’ – Samuel Beckett, Waiting for Godot
*Edward Cullen intensifies*
The rules of the game are as follows – the players will take turns to make their moves. Do not reveal your hand to your opponent. If you choose to raise the stakes, do not bet more than you can afford to pay.
Sigyn: Poker? Really? You’re quoting the rules from poker? Also,
Piffy: Because Akumione constantly has her hand on the table, face-up.
Sigyn and Piffy React 