Nathaniel: Alternatively,
‘I told him I was going to betray you… and he believed me because I was corrupt and full of wickedness; he looked so deep I felt sure he’d see the truth. But I lied too well. I was lying with every nerve and fiber and everything I’d ever done… I wanted him to find no good in me, and he didn’t. There is none.’ ― Philip Pullman, The Amber Spyglass
Piffy: You know, maybe that isn’t a great relationship to get into.
Sigyn: It reminds me of Twilight.
I stare at the closed door, wishing I could look right through the wood to see Lucius on the other side.
Sigyn: It’s barely the beginning of the chapter and already she’s back on her bullshit.
In the silence I hear a sharp banging noise,
Piffy: Then it’s not very silent anymore!
Sigyn: Sorry, guys, I got her riled up reading one of MY badfics before this. It’s next on the docket!
like something hitting a wall, before footsteps move swiftly away from my room.
Piffy: Wait, that wasn’t him banging on the door?
Then there’s silence.
Sigyn: More silent silence than before, I hope.
In a daze I lift my hand up to my face, resting my fingers lightly on my lips.
Piffy: Gee! She found her lips.
They feel bruised.
Tears start to pool up in my eyes. I let them fall, paying them no attention.
I walk slowly across the room and I climb into my bed, turning onto my side and clinging the blankets to my front.
I dream of nothing. Of darkness.
I’m woken the next day by a voice.
‘You might want to get up.
Piffy: Did he just make a suggestion?
We need to talk.’
Sigyn: More importantly, is he breaking up with her?
Piffy: Also, she seems to have fallen asleep pretty easily for someone who was angsting about being accessory to murder. Then again, I suppose her parents’ murder doesn’t keep her up at night, either.
It’s him.
I sit up. He’s standing on the other side of the room. His arms are folded and his face is stony.
I pull myself up from the bed, tripping over my blanket as I do so. I stumble to the ground, banging my knee painfully.
Piffy: Wow, she’s so LOLCLUMSY.
He tuts impatiently. ‘You still possess all the social graces of a drunken tramp, I see,’ he drawls cruelly.
Rini: Firstly… what’s wrong with that? SECONDLY, oh yes, sure, that’s why you grope her and make out with her, huh?
I bite down on my anger and pull myself up to my feet. He looks at me as if I am an associate of his from his Ministry days – calmly, coolly.
Piffy: Wow, that’s a lot more respect than he usually affords her. Also, that thing with her falling over is literally just there so he can insult her?
‘I am here to update you on our situation.‘
He says that last word delicately.
Piffy: Oh, you mean the Murder Situation.
Sigyn: Yes, but I’m too lazy to photoshop a carving knife into his hand.
‘I have spoken to the Dark Lord. I have told him about Antonin’s… defection. As much as it grieves me to admit it, it seems I have need to thank you.’
‘Why?’ I ask quietly.
‘Your plan to use the memory charm on Bellatrix worked magnificently. If she had not been there to back my story up, I do not think he would have believed it. But believe it he did. You are safe, Fine Lady. We are safe.’
Just like that.
Piffy: It all happened offscreen~
Sigyn: With the way obsessmuch writes Our Lady of Eternal Patience, that’s a blessing.
Piffy: You’re not wrong.
‘Well I’m glad you seem to think so!’ My voice comes out angrier than I intended it to.
Sigyn: Why don’t you intend it to be angry?
Piffy: You have so many reasons to be angry right now.
I don’t know why. ‘Pardon my cynicism, but I’m not entirely sure whether to trust that this plan of ours isn’t going to crumble around our ears.’
Piffy: That’s what you’re worried about? …okay.
He raises an eyebrow. ‘Well, I could always take further steps in order to ensure you are protected. Would you like me to erase your memory for you? I’d be more than happy to do so.’
Sigyn: It won’t stick. We’ve been over this.
I take a deep breath, considering for a moment whether it would be so terrible.
Sigyn: Couldn’t be worse than THIS FIC! Even Hogwarts Expo– well….
But then… if he were to take the memory of that night away I wouldn’t remember… what happened afterwards.
Piffy: Okay, but why do you want to?
‘No, don’t,’ I say with a sigh.
‘No. I thought that you would be averse to that idea. That’s why I did not do it in the first place. It’s a matter of trust, don’t you think?’
Piffy: Who is this and what has he done with Cthucius?
Trust.
I can’t believe him, sometimes.
Piffy: Yeah, me neither! This is uncharacteristically considerate.
Most of the time.
All of the time.
Sigyn: So… how much of the time, again? I am unclear on this.
‘I am confident that he believes my version of events,’ he goes on calmly, ‘for it seems that luck is on our side. Antonin had been forever complaining about his lack of authority compared to Bellatrix and me. His vocal discontent has proved to be our good fortune. There’s bitter irony for him.’
‘Don’t,’ I say quietly.
He arches an eyebrow. ‘Don’t what?’
‘He’s dead. You shouldn’t mock someone when they’re dead.’
Sigyn: So… I’m not allowed to make Hitler jokes?
Averna: New rule! Nobody’s allowed to speak ill of me.
Marluxia: sweeeeeeeeet
‘If he’s dead then that means he’s certainly not around to hear it, is he?’
I want to ask him why he doesn’t seem to care. But I don’t, because I already know the answer. ‘Remorse’ isn’t a word in the Malfoy dictionary.
Piffy: That’s actually surprisingly valid.
Not that Dolohov deserves any respect, of course. But still…
Piffy: Then why are you asking him not to disrespect the dead?!
Sigyn: Presumably, on principle, because she’s JUST SO GOOD AND PURE AND WHOLESOME AND SWEET.
Piffy: … Hermione has principles?
‘So what now?’ I ask in the end, not really sure of what else to say.
‘Now we keep our secret,’ he says curtly. ‘We keep our mouths shut about the whole sorry business. Antonin’s replacement should arrive soon. It will be as if nothing has changed, except you will no longer have to sleep with one eye open.’
Won’t I?
‘Don’t you even feel the slightest bit guilty about what we’ve done?’ I say in desperation.
Piffy: This is, like, his nth murder.
‘We killed someone, Lucius. We’re murderers!’
Trent: … is there a point to this that I’m missing?
Rini: You and me, both.
‘I was already a murderer, Fine Lady, in case you’d forgotten,’ he snaps.
Sigyn: You know what, valid!
No, of course I haven’t forgotten. I think about it every damn day.
Piffy: Are you sure you do?
‘Doesn’t it keep you awake at night?’ I whisper. ‘Don’t you ever have nightmares about the lives you’ve taken?’
Piffy: It didn’t keep YOU awake at night, or haunt your nightmares. You didn’t even dream.
‘No,’ he says bluntly. ‘I would be a poor excuse for a Death-Eater if I did.’
I don’t expect him to feel guilty about all those others, of course I don’t. Not even my parents, even though at the time he seemed… it’s the only time I’ve ever seen him act like remorse was a possibility for him.
But I would have thought he’d feel bad about this.
Sigyn: Because you were coworkers?
Nathaniel: Oh, honey.
‘But Dolohov was your friend, wasn’t he?’ I ask, determined to give it one final shot.
He shrugs. ‘Not particularly.’
‘Oh.’
I don’t want to say what I’m thinking. But I can’t help but wonder if he has any friends at all.
Sigyn: With benefits? Bellatrix. Without benefits? …eh.
Piffy: He doesn’t exactly have a life.
‘Who will Dolohov’s replacement be?’ I ask eventually, changing the subject.
‘I think it will be Avery,’ he says matter-of-factly. ‘He’s one of the old guard – we worked together for the Dark Lord before his fall. You may find him a less colourful character than Antonin was,
Sigyn: Um, I hope so, considering that Antonin’s “colorful” was “being a fetishist and attempted rapist.”
Piffy: He was also the nonplot deliveryman.
Sigyn: …Avery can take that over, I’ve no issue with that.
but he’s fastidious about his job. Quiet, but diligent. If you keep out of his way, he won’t put himself in yours.’
Sigyn: THEN WHY WASN’T HE AT CASTLE OBLIVION WITH YOU LOT TO BEGIN WITH?! AND WHY WAS DOLOHOV?
Well, that’s something.
‘And Draco?’ I ask.
‘Draco will remain here for the foreseeable future. The Ministry started to close in on the manor a few weeks ago, looking for him. It is not yet safe for him to return there.’
I feel numb as I ask my next question. ‘And your wife?’
‘What about her?’
‘Will she end up staying here too?’
He looks at me for a long while. ‘No, I don’t think so,’ he says eventually. ‘Someone needs to remain at the Manor to make sure that no light-fingered ministry officials take advantage of my absence.
Sigyn: Why aren’t your goods in your vault at Gringotts, then? Goblins give zero fucks.
She is no Death-Eater; they should leave her in peace.’
Sigyn: If she’s not a Death Eater, why was she at the meetings?
‘Isn’t that a little optimistic?’ I ask. ‘She’s married to a Death-Eater, the mother of a Death-Eater in training.’
‘What do you care if she’s safe or not?’ he asks, his voice run through with ice. ‘You don’t even know her.’
Piffcius: “Gee, prisoner I’m fooling around with, stop talking about my wife.”
‘Surely any decent husband would want to know his wife was safe-‘
Sigyn: Okay, point.
A burning streak rips across my face.
Averna: Iiiiii saw that coming.
‘Don’t push me, Fine Lady; I’m in no mood for your jibes.’
Piffy: Her… “jibes”.
‘I’ll do what I like!’ I hiss, finally snapping.
‘Do you think you can just come here and call me Fine Lady and act all distant when last night you-‘
A huge invisible fist of iron smashes into my stomach. I double over, clutching at my ribs, pulling in my breath in huge gasps.
Averna: I don’t know what you expected.
He tangles his hand in my hair and I’m pulled upwards to face him.
Bad Touch: 386
Like Muggles Do: 248
‘Don’t you ever speak to me like that again, do you understand me?’ he hisses.
I gulp, and I nod. He curls his lip up before he turns on his heel, releasing me and striding from the room, slamming the door shut behind him.
‘What do you reckon’s happened to Dolohov?’
Ron’s question freezes me for a second before I go back to polishing the copper kettle I’m holding.
It’s a disruption to the auto-pilot that’s kept me going. I wake up, I do my tasks, I eat, I wash, I sleep. I wake up, I do my tasks, I eat, I wash, I sleep…
Piffy: This fic is monotonous for me, too.
Sigyn: Would you like to read chapter four of One We–
Piffy: NO, I’M FINE.
I have to keep my mind from what I did.
Almost more than that, I have to keep myself from caring too much that Lucius is avoiding me.
Piffy: You’d think that would be a good thing.
Sigyn, deadpan: But, Piffy. He groped her and he kissed her. That means they’re in love.
Rini: … I’m detecting… sarcasm?
‘I don’t know,’ I say, trying to keep my voice nonchalant. ‘He’s deserted, hasn’t he? That’s what I heard Lucius and Bellatrix saying.’
‘Yeah, I know. But it seems odd, doesn’t it? I mean, how did he get across the river without a member of the Black family to help him? The boat will only come for them, won’t it?’
The world crashes around me for a second. Why didn’t we think of that?
Piffy: Because you’re stupid.
I gulp, forcing myself to keep calm, and I improvise hastily. ‘Well, the creatures in the water only go for Muggles and Fine Folks, don’t they?’
‘Muggle-borns, Hermione,’ Ron says quietly. ‘Not Fine Folks.’
Piffy: Why is she referring to Muggleborns that way?
‘Yes. Anyway, I suppose he could have swum across, and they probably wouldn’t have hurt him. He’s a pureblood, I remember him saying.’
Trent: Bold of you to assume Dolohov can swim.
Serleina: HE CERTAINLY CAN’T NOW! HA! HA, HA!
Ron looks at me for a long time, a strange, sad expression on his face,
Sigyn: She learned how to parse sadness! Everybody give her a round of applause!
and then goes back to polishing the silver ornament he’s working on.
Piffy: ohbby
Serleina: WINK, WINK!
‘Hermione, have you thought about… well, today I saw Malfoy reading the newspaper,
Sigyn: Which one?
Piffy: Probably the Daily Prophet.
Sigyn: That’s not– … fine.
and the date on the front… it was October.’
I expel a rush of breath. ‘God,’ is all I say.
We’ve been here for… months, that means.
‘Yeah, but… well, it means you’ve been eighteen for a while. Your birthday was last month, wasn’t it?’
I drop the rag I’m holding.
‘Hermione?’
I burst into tears.
Penryn: (American accent) Adulting is hard, y’all.
‘Oh no, Hermione, I’m sorry.’
Sigyn: GOD DAMN IT! I JUST REMEMBERED I FORGOT TO DO MY TAXES! AGAIN!
He pulls me into a hug and I sob all the harder. I can’t help it. I turned eighteen and I didn’t even realize.
Sigyn: Seventeen is the age of majority in the Wizarding world, so why does it matter?
A slight creak.
Lucius stands in the doorway. He watches the pair of us. He locks his eyes onto my own, before he turns and walks away without saying a word.
Sigyn: What word would you expect him to say?
Piffy: He’s just checking in to see… “Oh, that doesn’t sound like cleaning!… Oh, she’s having a Moment. Okay.”
Désmoda: Not okay! Prisoners are for cleaning and for information and occasionally for relieving tension. They are not for having Moments!
Serleina: Even with Trent, Rini, and Averna here, you are 90% of the reason Briar is not allowed within 10 feet of this commentary room anymore.
Averna: Actually, I’m not biting the murderbait. I’d like to, but I’m just not a fan of supernatural mindfuckery, unless I’m doing the mindfuckery.
I begin to wonder if it’s just easier not to speak at all if I can help it, then there’s no danger of accidentally saying something incriminating.
Nathaniel: Or you could grow a brain.
Piffy: Like Real!Mione has. Okay, maybe not that good…
Sigyn: Except that it’s impossible for a character to be that much smarter than their creator.
Piffy: It’s not a terrible survival tactic, but I’m surprised it took her this long to figure it out.
And so I stay as quiet as I can, speaking only when it’s necessary.
Sigyn: I wish your narrator would do the same.
The guilt never leaves me. It lies there in my mind, festering, rotting. It’s like a cancer.
Sigyn: That’s not how cancer works.
Piffy: Yes, you’re thinking of necrosis.
But thinking about what I’ve done is easier than allowing my thoughts to wander. If I let my thoughts roam, then they drag me down a path I can’t follow.
‘You can’t…’
‘Can’t I?’
He wouldn’t.
Piffy: Wouldn’t what? At this point, is there really anything we would put past Cthucius? He’s done the murdery thing, a lot. He’s molested Akumione. He’s betrayed his Dork Lard. He’s cast memory charms on his sister-in-law. At this point, there’s not a lot left! Unless we find him making passionate love to Dolohov’s corpse, but I don’t thi–
Trent: ohbby. Meanwhile, have an earworm about intrusive thoughts, from an intrusive thot~
‘Wake up! Wake up!‘
Trent: WAKE HER UP INSIIIIDE!
Something sharp burns across my face, pulling me out of my dreams.
I can’t have been asleep for more than five minutes, can I?
Piffy: I don’t know, can you? Where are you? When are you?
Another burn whips across my cheek,
Nathaniel: hot. Pun intended.
and I sit up in a hurry, my sleepiness making me sway.
An iron grip closes round my arm and I’m wrenched up out of bed.
Piffy: Oh, she’s back in her room?
Sigyn: I don’t know. It doesn’t say WHOSE bed.
I stumble as my feet touch the ground, but I manage to keep my footing.
The hand drops abruptly from my arm.
Sigyn: I don’t know whether to give it a count or not, but I’ll give it a pass and assume he remembered he’s a wizard. For now.
I turn and I look at him. He’s very pale, today.
Sigyn: As opposed to his normal tropical tan, you mean?
I recognize the look. He’s afraid.
Piffy: Good job! You get a gold sticker for parsing “fear”!
‘What’s going on?’ I ask, my heart sinking like a stone.
Sigyn: It’s not supposed to do that. You should probably see a healer.
He doesn’t answer my question. ‘You need to get dressed.’ He hands me the bundle of dark blue cloth he’s carrying. ‘Put that on.’
I clutch the dress to me in a nervous reflex. ‘Please-‘
‘No,’ he interrupts me, his face stony. ‘Now hurry up!’
I turn away from him, quickly, because no one could refuse an order given in that tone.
Nathaniel, a bratty sub: Bet.
Ernest, a Resistance veteran: Watch me.
Nathaniel: MAKE me.
I pull my sleeping robe off of my shoulders and let it drop to the floor, before I quickly pull my new robe over my head. I can feel his eyes boring into my back.
Serleina: Sorry, did someone say “boring”? BECAUSE THAT IS AN ACCURATE DESCRIPTION! HA! GET IT? SEE WHAT I DID THERE! HA! HA, HA!
I lace up the front of the dress as best as I can with my shaking fingers, turning back to face him when I eventually get myself sorted out.
Sigyn: Why didn’t he just dress her, with magi– … ewwwwwww.
Rini: *has a squick about people watching her get dressed/undressed* ewwwwwwwwwww.
‘Good,’ he says quietly, without coming any closer. ‘Now listen carefully. The Dark Lord wants to see you.’
Sigyn: …presumably less of her than you have, right? Right?
I go cold. ‘What for?’ I breathe the words out, hardly able to speak for terror.
“I’m Scared!”: 50
His mouth twists down. ‘I don’t know. He arrived here with Bellatrix a moment ago and he told me that he wants to dine with you this evening.’
I start to shake. Eat… with Voldemort?
Piffy: No, Ms. Bond. I expect you to dine.
‘I’d rather eat glass,’ I say, without thinking.
Piffy: I mean, you do everything without thinking. Of course you’re witty without thinking. You can’t ever take credit for that.
His mouth curls up into an involuntary smile.
Sigyn: Your poor theory of mind is showing. Just because you don’t think about your actions doesn’t mean he doesn’t.
‘You have my sympathies, but I’m afraid you have little choice in the matter.’
‘Do you think it’s about Dolohov?’
His face is suddenly grave again.
Akuma: THIIINNNNGGGSS YOU SEEEEE IN A GRAAAAVEYAAAARRRDDD
‘If it is, you will tell him nothing, do you understand? The memory will not be visible to him through legimilency, so as long as you choose your answers carefully, we should be safe.’
Rini: You’re doomed.
Sigyn: If you were dealing with Canon Voldemort, you still wouldn’t be safe because you’re a Muggleborn.
Piffy: Also, Canon Voldemort can bust through memory hijinks.
I gulp, and I nod. ‘What if he uses Veriteserum to question me?’
‘I’ve considered the possibility. Here.’ He removes a small glass bottle from his robes and hands it to me. ‘It contains the antidote to truth serum. Drink it.’
Trent: omg how convenient! also, yes, you should definitely drink stuff the guy who kidnapped you, stripped you, fondled you, murdered your parents, smacked you around, and is planning to kill you, offers! what a sound plan! i see nothing wrong with this!
Serleina: Your Tokiomi is showing.
Trent: Sounds great! =D
Piffy: What choice does she have at this point, though?
Sigyn: . . . punch Voldemort in his un-nose. and run.
Piffy: He definitely would not be expecting that.
Without even considering it
Sigyn: Of course you fucking don’t. Are we surprised?
I drink the potion immediately, before handing him back the empty bottle.
Sigyn: I mean, I would have thought you’d hand him the empty bottle BEFORE drinking its contents, but what the hell do I know?
‘Will you come with me?’ I ask quietly.
Serleina: SPOILER ALERT!
Piffy: Don’t “spoiler alert” when I’m drinking. I nearly sporfled.
Sigyn: I’m always drinking. Can’t help you there. KAMPAI!
‘I don’t want to go on my own.’
Piffy: Yeah, you don’t want to be left alone where you can possibly attempt an escape.
‘No,’ he says coldly. ‘The Dark Lord has specifically ordered that he shall dine with you alone. It would only raise suspicion if I were to request that I join the pair of you.’
Sigyn: tap tap tap
Trent: Does he want to dine with her alone or on her alone? Asking for Dural.
Evryn: How the fuck do you know Dural?
Trent: Oh, I metagamed. Also, it really hurts his feelings when–
Serleina: THIS IS EPIPHANY’S CARING FACE
Piffy: I guess cannibalism is also on the list of things we’re not putting past Cthucius.
My heart thuds against my ribs with fear. He stares at me long and hard,
Nathaniel: *waggles eyebrows*
his brow lowered.
Piffy: We have ALL lowered our brows to read this fic.
‘You have nothing to fear, as long as you keep your wits about you and keep that mouth of yours shut.’
Piffy: Firstly, have you met Voldemort?
Sigyn: Secondly, have you met Akumione?
Evryn: No! We have not met Voldemort. We have met Our Lady of Eternal Patience in a Voldemort suit. There’s a bit of a difference there, innit?
Piffy: Nobody is ever safe visiting Voldemort, even his most loyal servants. That’s kind of part of his thing.
Marluxia: Petition for Xemnas to visit Voldemort, y/n?
Piffy: I’m sure they would have a Very Interesting Conversation™
He reaches out to me, looking for a moment as if he’s going to take my hand, but he moves it up and grips at my arm instead. ‘Now hurry, we cannot afford to try his patience.’
Like Muggles Do: 249
We arrive outside the dining-room door.
Sigyn: I thought you arrived in Tahiti. My bad.
I look up at Lucius. His face is tense.
Piffy: I wish we had a count for the face-looking!
Sigyn: I would, but it’s hard to keep track.
I wish he could come with me.
Sigyn: SPOILER ALERT!
‘Remember what I said,’ he says quietly, before he knocks smartly on the door in front of him.
‘Come in,’ a cold, awfully familiar voice calls.
Lucius pushes the door open and walks me into the room.
The table is empty, apart from the Penseive resting at the end of it. Sitting in the huge, carved chair next to the table is a tall figure swathed in a black cloak, his face covered by his dark hood.
Piffy: That’s some weird spaghetti you’re having for dinner.
Nathaniel: At least it’s not angel hair.
Rini: *long-suffering sigh* Luci got hair in your rotini ONE TIME, Nathaniel. ONCE.
Nathaniel: Yes, and he’s never living it down.
Rini: YOU GOT YOUR STUPID VIAGRA POWDER IN *MINE*! WHILE I WAS IN DRAG, YOU IMBECILE. HOW ABOUT YOU DON’T LIVE THAT DOWN?! DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH PAIN I WAS IN THE REST OF THE NIGHT?!
Nathaniel: It was your stupid idea to be in chastity….
Averna: Oh no, the subs are fighting.
Trent: … I feel like we’re getting off-topic. Also, Nathaniel’s a switch.
Sigyn: Don’t worry about it, they’re going to start knife-fighting and then bang any second now.
Fingers brush against mine, ever so lightly. I look up to see Lucius staring straight ahead, his face pale.
Sigyn: *groans and makes distressed arms flailing* HE IS ALREADY PALE!!!!!!!11111ONE
‘Bring her here.’
Lucius’s hand rests on the small of my back and pushes me forwards until I reach the table.
Like Muggles Do: 250
Bad Touch: 387
A pale, spidery hand emerges from the cloak, making a waving gesture.
Trent: And then a web appeared!
Sigyn: I need to know who’s paler, Cthucius or Our Lady of Eternal Patience?
Piffy: Did you know spidery hands are actually a symptom of Marfan Syndrome? It’s a connective tissue disorder. People end up really tall and are at risk of their aorta just splitting open.
Sigyn: Welcome to Body Horror Wednesday. We’re here with our host, Piffy Catapult.
‘Leave us.’
Lucius nods curtly and turns, leaving the room without looking at me.
The door bangs shut, and the room suddenly seems cold and vast.
The spidery hands reach up and lowers
Sigyn: The hands reach up and lowers? …how do plurals work? Hint: NOT LIKE THAT!
the hood of the robe. I force myself not to react as I see Voldemort’s face.
Piffy: And what would that reaction look like? Recoiling? Wincing? Maybe cringing?
Trent: Doing the ‘I Have Friends’ dance?
Piffy: Checking that your nose is still there?
Sigyn: GOT YOUR NOSE!
Bebcius: *cries*
//he would probably actually giggle, but we read WAY TOO MUCH “giggling” earlier today in another story so… sorry, little guy.
‘Well, good evening, Miss Granger,’ he says in a cold rasp. ‘And how are we today?’
Serleina: I don’t know how YOU are but I’M doing fine!
Piffy: Do you need a cough drop?
Serleina: WATCH OUT, HE’S GOT THE COVID! EVERYBODY HIT THE FUCKING DECK! BUT STAY ON YOUR MOTHERFUCKING TOES! …wait…
Trent: No, no, I, too, would prefer to be On a Boat.
‘Fine,’ I say stiffly.
He smiles. ‘I am pleased to hear it. Oh, but you must excuse my manners.’
Serleina: WHY? DID YOU FART? HA! HA, HA!
He gestures to the small wooden chair across the table from him. ‘Please, sit.’
I take a deep breath and I sit down opposite him,
Illybrius: And then the whoopie cushion goes off.
clasping my hands together in my lap and looking down at them resolutely.
Illybrius: PBLBLBLBLBLBPPPPBBBTTTT
‘Would you care for something to eat?’
Sigyn: Wow, Our Lady of Eternal Patience sure is solicitous.
I chance a look up to find that the table is suddenly full of food.
He’s smiling at me.
I start to eat. I know that any hint of hesitation will tell him that I’m afraid of Veriteserum, and I need him to think that I’ve got nothing to fear in that respect.
Piffy: I mean, most people would be nervous about dining with Wizard Hitler. Especially a Muggleborn like you. He does kind of torture people.
Nathaniel: Actually, I have a question abou–
Piffy: *ignoring that* It could be poisoned!
I pile my plate with food, and my fork rises and falls rapidly in my shaking hands.
Serleina: but what are your hands DOING with the fork? Is the fork just moving of its own accord and dragging your hands along wi– actually yeah, that sounds on-brand.
I tear the food, rip it, gulp it down with nerves.
Sigyn: Suddenly, she’s Prince Adam in Beast form!
Piffy: I’m sure the Dork Lard appreciates your lack of table manners, especially when he is putting on such a show of being a man of wealth and taste. Weren’t you supposed to play along?
I wash it all down with what looks like water, smells like water, but what I’m almost certain contains Veritaserum.
Nathaniel: So… Truth Vodka?
Trent: I think that’s just called vodka.
Sigyn: Also, she finally learned how to spell Veritaserum! Yaaaayyyyyy
Voldemort watches me shovel food down my throat, barely chewing. I have nothing to be afraid of.
Piffy: You have EVERYTHING TO BE AFRAID OF! This is Voldemort!
Sigyn: No, this is Our Lady of Eternal Patience!
Serleina: NO, THIS IS PATRICK!
I have done nothing, and I have nothing to hide, nothing, nothing, nothing to fear.
Rini: But does he have nothing to fear?
“I’m Scared!”: 55
‘That will do.’
I stop immediately, slowly lowering my knife and fork. I look up at him, trying to keep my gaze level.
He smiles. ‘Better?’
I’ve got to answer him. He’ll be expecting me to if he thinks I’ve taken Veritaserum.
‘Yes,’ I say quietly.
‘Good.’
He continues to stare at me. I try to stop myself from shaking. I can’t let him know that I’m afraid.
“I’m Scared!“: 56
Piffy: It would be stranger if you weren’t.
‘As much as I enjoy your company, Miss Granger, I did have an ulterior motive in inviting you to dine with me this evening.’
Trent: omg!!!
‘I guessed that,’ I say, just to be safe.
He smiles. ‘You’re very forthright, Hermione. I like that.’
Piffy: Did you just first-name her?
Sigyn: Did he just compliment her?
He looks at me for a while, but I can’t feel him using legimilency on me yet.
‘You flinched,’ he says quietly. ‘Why did you flinch when I called you ‘Hermione’? It’s your name, isn’t it?’
Piffmione: “I didn’t know we were on a first-name basis, Tom.“
Sigdemort: “Ohohoho, Hermione, what a delight you are! I shall absolutely not Avocado Kebab you today!”
I take a deep breath. He’ll want an answer to that, I’m sure.
‘No-one really calls me that anymore,’ I say levelly, truthfully. ‘It’s always Fine Lady, never Hermione.’
‘Understandable, if somewhat rude,’ he says, nodding.
Piffy: I need obsessmuch to know that the reason Voldemort is so polite with Harry is because he sees Harry as his equal, even if he won’t admit it.
Sigyn: Piffy, I need you to know that the reason obsessmuch doesn’t realize this is because she is an anthropomorphic bundle of straw, like in the Wizard of Oz.
Piffy: You didn’t need to say “like in the Wizard of Oz”. I caught the reference.
Sigyn: I thought you did, but I wasn’t sure if the rest of our audience would. *waves* Hi, guys!
‘But surely Lucius calls you by name? You two have been so long in each other’s company, one would think-‘
‘No,’ I say shortly. ‘Never.’
Piffy: The fact that Voldemort is asking that at all is a big red flag that he knows something is up, because otherwise, why would he care?
His smile fades a little. I start to shake again, and I try to force my body to remain still.
‘Do you want to know why I brought you here?’ he asks.
‘Only if you’re not going to hurt me,’ I mumble.
He laughs. ‘Oh no, I have no intention of hurting you.’
Piffy: Oh, good. Just killing her?
Nathaniel: No, not good! I signed up for torturefuck! Is that not what I’m getting?
Sigyn: …this isn’t a Voldemort/Hermione fic.
Piffy: Thank goodness.
He points his wand at the other end of the table, and the Penseive comes flying towards us, landing neatly on the table.
‘Would you care to look into the Penseive?’ he asks.
I hesitate before answering. ‘What will I see?’
‘Place your hand in there and you shall discover the answer to your question.’ His smile falls away. ‘I shall remove you from there when I am ready for you to return.’
I lean forwards, still looking up at him, and I know that I have no choice.
Serleina: NOT WITH THAT ATTITUDE!!!!!1ONE
I lean further forwards and I hesitantly place my fingertips into the mist.
An invisible hook pulls me forwards and I fall through silver fog. I feel queasy. God only knows what Voldemort’s seen in his lifetime. I shouldn’t be here, I really shouldn’t be here…
I eventually land in a room I haven’t been in for ages.
I’d almost forgotten just how horrible this place was.
Voldemort is sitting in the huge throne with the stone snake rearing up behind it.
Sigyn: You’ve only been there for a couple months! What do you mean, ages?
Piffy: It certainly FEELS like an eternity ago!
Sigyn: …fair. We did first start on this spork in 2018, after all.
He’s surrounded by a group of about ten Death-Eaters, none of whom are wearing masks.
Sigyn: HEY! THAT’S AGAINST CDC INSTRUCTION!
Piffy: Small gatherings only!
Lucius is there, and so is Draco, along with Bellatrix and Narcissa Malfoy. But I can’t see Dolohov. Mercifully, he seems to be absent.
Serleina: EMO ROLL CALL!
Piffy: Don’t you mean, “Ominously, he seems to be absent”?
‘So, we are agreed it should not be the Weasley boy,’ Voldemort says. ‘It’s too risky. His home will be magically protected, and his brother’s wedding will mean that most of the Order will probably be present.
Piffy: They still end up attacking the wedding, unless we’re still going with “Book 7 didn’t happen”.
Sigyn: You know, I just thought about Harry’s inconsequential appearance earlier. If I were Harry, and Ron and Hermione had been captured, I’d damn well get them back or get myself killed trying.
Piffy: Yeah! They captured the only two people capable of holding him back from rushing headlong into situations without thinking! Let’s be real – Ron and Hermione cannot ACTUALLY stop Harry from doing the hero thing, but they can at least get him to be more careful about it.
Sigyn: And “Harry fails to get them out and dies trying” would be a realistic outcome.
Piffy: And a more interesting source of angst than “wah, accessory to murder/killing Dolohov.”
We do not have Death-Eaters to waste on a scheme that would work just as well if we were to use the Fine Lady Granger.’
Piffy: Why is Voldemort being all like, “Hey, Hermione, come look at me being an evil man making evil plans!”
Sigyn: I want to watch Dancing Voldemort so badly right now….
He pauses for a moment, and runs his eyes over the circle of Death-Eaters. Lucius looks almost bored. Draco, however, looks alight with excitement.
Sigyn: I’m sure he does.
‘Although a supposedly talented young witch, at this point she should be at her own home, without any other wizards to protect her,’ Voldemort continues. ‘A lone Death-Eater would be able to bring her here. The question is; who should it be?’
‘Draco, you expressed an interest, did you not?’
Draco’s eyes light up, but his mother speaks up in her clear voice; ‘If you please, my Lord, I would rather someone else took charge of the girl. My son is too young-‘
‘I’m not a child, mother!’ Draco hisses, blushing to the roots of his pale hair.
Sigyn: In Narcissa’s defense, she might be worried about becoming a grandmother.
Piffy: “He’s too young” is clearly an excuse.
‘But Draco, your mother has a point,’ Voldemort says. ‘The girl will probably have to be tortured to get the information we need, and that will require someone a little more… seasoned.
Sigdemort: “So how about your dad? =D”
Someone experienced enough to keep a distance.
Sigyn: Yeah, that went really well, didn’t it?
You know Granger far too well to disallow the possibility of a personal involvement.’
Piffy: Does he get what Narcissa is talking about, then? Because that’s what I’m hearing.
Sigyn: I… have that feeling, too. UNFORTUNATELY, WE STILL GET… THIS.
Piffy: I still don’t get why Voldemort is showing Hermione this. Not only are we not being shown anything we didn’t already know, but why is Voldemort showing off to someone he doesn’t give a dang about?
Sigyn: Because the audience needs exposition and/or because obsessmuch needed to pad the chapter and/or because she forgot she hadn’t already told us this and/or–
Serleina: DON’T THINK ABOUT IT TOO HARD, TOO, TOO HARD!
Sigyn: But… that’s our job, Serleina.
Serleina: YOU’RE BEING PAID IN THOUGHTS, PRAYERS, AND YOUTUBE VIEWS! DOESN’T COUNT!
Draco opens his mouth to speak but Lucius reaches out and puts a hand on his shoulder, fixing him with a stern look. Draco shuts his mouth like a trap,
Sigyn: At this point, you could just say “Draco shuts his trap”.
Piffy: “Draco’s mouth snapped shut.”
throwing a look of deep resentment towards his mother, who keeps her gaze steadfastly on Voldemort.
Piffy: Ah, she was also communicating to him with her eyes. I see.
Voldemort’s eyes have slipped over to rest on Lucius,
Sigyn: That was phrased unnecessarily romantically.
who has released his son’s shoulder and now just looks distinctly bored again, as if he wishes this meeting could be over so that the extremely dull matter of my fate could be dealt with and he wouldn’t have to hear about it again.
Piffy: Aww, what a grumpy baby.
Sigyn: Did You Mean?
Voldemort smiles. ‘Lucius?’
‘My Lord?’ Lucius replies coolly.
Voldemort smiles all the wider as he makes his decision. ‘I want you to bring Hermione Granger to me within twenty-four hours. I want her alive, and I want her mentally and physically well enough to respond positively to questioning.
Sigyn: Honey, you are expecting entirely too much.
You are to inflict no permanent damage on her until she arrives here.
Piffy: Why is he being this specific? Voldemort would just be like, “Bring her to me, and she had better be able to answer some questions.” And you would implicitly understand that if she is not in a state to answer questions, you are going to get tortured. But otherwise, the Death Eaters are given a lot of wiggle room to do what they want.
Sigyn: We’ve noticed.
Are my orders in any way unclear?’
Sigyn: Well, yes, because presumably your audience is made up of idiots.
Piffy: The question is still, why does Voldemort want her to see this? I understand why obsessmuch would want the reader to see this, but….
Lucius bows low to Voldemort. ‘No, my Lord. I shall bring her here as soon as I am able.’
The scene dissolves before my eyes and I float through mist and fog, coming to land in a room similar to the one I was just in, but far smaller.
The only people here are Lucius, who stands in the open doorway, and Voldemort, who sits in a grand chair by a large fireplace.
‘How are you finding your Fine Lady charge?’ Voldemort asks.
‘Arrogant,’ Lucius drawls, ‘insolent, tedious beyond belief.’
Voldemort laughs. ‘But she has responded well to questioning so far, yes?’
‘She has, my Lord. I am certain that it will not be long before I have all the information you require.’
‘Good,’ Voldemort says. ‘How is her mental state? Is she still making sense? Still reacting as she should?’
Sigyn: um, NO! That’s kind of been our complaint this entire time! Actually, headcanon! Hermione anticipated some shit like this was going to happen, so she replaced herself and her parents with Replica versions of themselves and fucked right out of town. And that’s why Akumione has been acting so bizarrely.
Piffy: The real Hermione is currently sipping a pina colada on the beach in Australia with her parents.
Evryn: Alternatively… touching something shiny she knows she shouldn’t and–
Cin: Oh come ON! I love Epiphany, but one is enough.
‘I believe so,’ Lucius shrugs.
There’s a pause.
‘What do you mean by that?’ Voldemort asks.
Another pause.
‘She cries a lot,’ Lucius says quietly.
Sigyn: She’s a newborn Replica suddenly thrust into this situation! What do you expect? I mean, I wouldn’t expect Hermione to cry a lot but uh… you know…
Voldemort says nothing in reply to that, but nods thoughtfully.
Piffy: As opposed to just not caring about Hermione’s emotional state. I’m surprised he hasn’t been like, “Ugh, you’re useless. I’m going to torture her myself.”
Sigyn: “Our Lady of Eternal Patience.” Voldemort suit.
The scene sinks away from me and all at once I’m in the great hall again.
But I’m there, this time. I mean, a memory of me is there. And I’m cradling Ron in my arms, in the middle of a circle of Death Eaters.
Ron is staring up at Lucius, his bruised and bloody face pale with rage.
Sigyn: What is your rubric for “pale”? Ron is also always pale.
Piffy: Shouldn’t Ron be turning red in rage?
‘If he dies… If he dies, I swear I’ll-‘
‘You’ll what?’ Lucius cuts across him. ‘What will you do, you stupid boy?’
I don’t watch Ron stand up from the floor, stumbling slightly as the memory of me supports him. I just watch Lucius, smiling a hate-filled smile.
He detested Ron, right from when he was first captured. At the time, I didn’t understand why.
Sigyn: Yes! You did! He’s a blood traitor! You should know this!
Piffy: He’s a Weasley!
Sigyn: Lucius insulted Ron’s family in front of you, Hermione!
Piffy: I guess we’re also going with “Book 2 didn’t happen.”
Sigyn: She quoted book 2 at the beginning of the fic!
‘SHUT UP!’ Ron shouts. ‘If my dad dies, I’ll rip you apart, I swear-‘
‘You’ll speak when spoken to, boy,’ Lucius raises his wand. ‘Crucio!’
‘WHAT HAS HE DONE?’ The memory of me is screaming, but Lucius only smiles as Ron bucks and writhes in agony on the ground. ‘STOP IT, STOP IT!’
‘Enough!’ Voldemort’s voice rings out.
‘As you wish, my Lord.’
The memory of me rushes over to comfort Ron as Voldemort turns to Lucius.
‘If anyone is going to administer punishment to the boy for speaking out of turn in front of me it shall be me, Lucius.’
‘I am sorry my lord. I simply could not stand his impudence a minute longer.’
‘Hmm.’ Voldemort frowns at Lucius, and the scene fades away to be replaced by another. It’s a room of black iron work – another one that I’ve been in before, but I’m not there, this time.
Voldemort sits in his throne with a thoughtful expression on his face, and Dolohov stands next to him, speaking in a rapid undertone.
‘I’m telling you, there’s something going on there. He finished his questioning of her days ago, and yet he still insists on spending all of his spare time with her. He claims that he is trying to teach her some humility, but-‘
‘I hear what you’re saying, Antonin,’ Voldemort says calmly, ‘but I would not believe such a thing of Lucius. His devotion to the pure-blood cause is my main reason to be assured of his loyalty.’
Sigyn: Voldemort is paranoid AF, are you kidding me? He’s not assured of ANYONE’s loyalty. Are we just pretending the entire series didn’t happen at this point?
Piffy: Yes.
Trent: Wait. I thought that was already what we were supposed to be doing.
Piffy: This is basically original fic with serial numbers… filed on?
Dolohov’s lips thin out and a rebellious light comes into his eyes. ‘You should see the way he looks at her, though, it’s so obvious-‘
‘Are you certain that this is not mere jealousy talking?’ Voldemort sounds almost bored. ‘I have heard stories about your own behaviour towards the girl. Both Lucius and Bella have told me about how you creep around her room night after night.’
Piffy: I feel like at this point, Akumione is an unacceptable distraction to Voldemort’s employees and would be removed to increase productivity.
Serleina: OR MAYBE SHE SHOULD JUST COVER HER SHOULDERS! AND ANKLES!
Dolohov blanches. ‘My lord, I seek only to tell you of what is going on under your very nose-‘
Voldemort finally turns to face him, his face stony. ‘Are you showing me disrespect?’
Piffy: Yes, he’s showing you disrespect by mentioning the nose thing.
Fear creeps into Dolohov’s eyes. He drops his gaze. ‘No, my Lord. Forgive me.’
Serleina: NO! CRUCIO HIM! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
‘Good. For I trust the word of Lucius above yours, with good reason, if what I’ve heard is correct-‘
Piffy: “If what I’ve heard is correct” is not something Voldemort would say! He does not hedge.
‘I have always been loyal to you!’ Dolohov snaps. ‘And when have I ever been rewarded for it?’
Voldemort rolls his eyes and flicks his wand at Dolohov. ‘Crucio!‘
Serleina: YES! THANK YOU! FINALLY! THAT TOOK WAY TOO FUCKING LONG!
Piffy: Also, Dolohov, surprisingly self-aware.
Sigyn: I guess Being Baby will do that to you– wait, no. It does the opposite of that.
The scene, along with Dolohov’s screams of agony, floats away from me, and I spin through yet more foggy memories before I come to land in a room similar to the one I was just in, only the lay-out of it is slightly different.
Lucius is cradling me in his arms. My hair sticks to my head with blood, and my eyes are just two slits in purple, swollen skin. My burned, blistering arms are curved up around Lucius’s neck.
Voldemorts there too, looking at the pair of us.
Sigyn: Multiple Voldemorts?!
Piffy: We shouldn’t have let him talk to Xemnas.
Only now do I realise how bad it looked. I didn’t think at the time.
Lucius was carrying me.
Sigyn: He does that all the fucking time! How is that a revelation!?
‘I gave you the opportunity to kill her because I wanted to see what you would do,’ Voldemort says, his voice very quiet. ‘Would you let the girl live, or would you kill her?’
Piffy: Yes, those are generally the two options when given the opportunity to kill someone else.
Trent: Well there’s also necro… mancy.
Piffy: That still involves murder.
Trent: That’s the second-best part!
‘My Lord, you cannot question my loyalty-‘
Piffy: Don’t tell Voldemort what he can and cannot do! You fool! You mediocre dunce! You’re going to get Crucio’d for that!
‘I must question where I have cause to suspect. I have spoken with Antonin. He claims that your… conduct towards the girl has gone beyond the call of duty.’
Serleina: BLACK OPS!
I watch as Lucius’ eyes widen, but he manages to keep the rest of his face firm. You wouldn’t notice that his grip on me tightened, but I remember it doing so. Oh yes, I remember.
‘My Lord, Antonin is a liar,’ Lucius says smoothly. ‘If anyone’s conduct towards the girl needs to be questioned it is his, not mine.’
Sigyn: “He started it!” “No, he started it!”
‘Indeed.’ Voldemort’s smirk has disappeared, as I saw it do at the time. ‘I shall question him most thoroughly, for my stance on that particular issue still remains intact.
Sigyn: That sounds like a college kid BSing a paper, not Voldemort addressing an employee.
Do what you want with a witch, but a Fine woman cannot be touched. Do you understand me, Lucius?’
‘I always have, my Lord.’
Piffy: It’s kind of like the basis of their whole Pureblood supremacy bullshit?
Serleina: *hovers her finger in front of Akumione’s face* I’m not TOUCHING YOUUUUUU.
Trent: You’re also not touching (Eden) her.
Serleina: … I’m straight.
The scene swims and fades in front of me,
Trent: D=
and I fall through more mist and fog. When I land, only Lucius and Voldemort are present.
‘DAMN HIM!’ Voldemort screams, obviously furious.
Sigyn: Yeah, but in, like, a ten-year-old way.
‘I should have killed the boy in his cradle and yet still he eludes me!’
‘My Lord, it was not your fault,’ Lucius says.
Sigyn: Yes it is! Do you know how fucking delicate babies are? his own stupid overreliance on magic is the only thing that kept him from killing a FUCKING FIFTEEN-MONTH-OLD!
Piffy: Not just on magic, but on that one spell in particular!
‘Of course it’s not my fault!
Sigyn: My good bitch. Yes, it is.
He evidently does not much care whether the Fine Lady lives or not. It was a misjudgement on my part, but a reasonable one.’
Sigyn: YEAH! REASONABLE TO ANYONE WHO’S EVER ACTUALLY MET HARRY POTTER. No one expected him to just leave her behind, because it’s so out-of-cha– you know what
Lucius nods, his face perfectly still.
‘Nonetheless, the girl will have to die,’ Voldemort says, almost wearily.
Piffy: …he’s not relishing the thought of killing Hermione Granger?
Sigyn: Probably because he knows at this point it won’t get much of a reaction out of Harry. Harry won’t care so why should he? Even if she is a Fine Lady.
Averna: Yeah, it really sucks when a message doesn’t stick.
Rini: Better idea: Rather than Voldemort killing Akumione himself, have Akumione and Ron forced to kill each other while Harry watches.
Piffy: They’re both stupid enough for it to work. … My problem with Ron isn’t anything he says or does onscreen, but more the fact that he’s just there on a shelf when not in-use and not doing anything Ron-like and proactive.
‘Bring her to me. I want him to see it happen. I want him to know what his stupidity has cost him.’
A long silence spreads out.
Serleina: LIKE AKUMIONE’S LEGS! SPOILERS! HA, HA!
‘My Lord,’ Lucius says eventually, his voice quiet, ‘forgive me, but wouldn’t it be, ah, prudent to allow the girl to live?’
Voldemort’s face turns stony. ‘You dare to advise me?’
Sigyn: You done stepped in it now, boy!
‘Not at all. I was merely wondering whether she might still prove herself useful in some capacity. I am convinced of Potter’s loyalty to his friends. It’s proved to be his main weakness, in the past.’
Sigyn: Okay, but he left your video message on ✔Seen.
Piffy: “You dare to advise me?” “Not at all! *proceeds to advise*”
Voldemort stares long and hard
Serleina: ohbby
at Lucius.
Serleina: nobby
Piffy: –wondering just how stupid this man is.
Sigyn: Yes. As my self-insert in DoF often says, “He’s pretty, so he doesn’t have to be smart.”
‘Very well,’ he says eventually, resigning himself to the badfic that he’s in. “This might as well happen.” And then he ate his wand. THE END!
He sits himself down in his throne,
Sigyn: aww 😦
frowning,
Sigyn: YEAH, SAME!
until eventually a tiny, horrifying grin curls his lipless mouth.
‘Potter needs to see not what his delay in obeying our orders has cost him, but what it has cost her.’ He looks up at Lucius. ‘I want you to dispose of her parents.’
Sigyn: You know, just chuck ’em in the bin!
There’s a pause before Lucius answers. ‘Her parents?’
‘Yes, Lucius, her parents.
Serleina: A LITTLE GLASS VIAL! (if u donut git this reference, get da fucc out of hear!)
And I want you to do it. Tonight.’
Lucius’s face remains unreadable. ‘Me, my Lord?’
Voldemort’s eyes narrow. ‘Yes, you.
Cin: Couldn’t be!
Usagi: Then who?!
Trent: … I thought mentioning Dural was our obligatory Pilot reference for the day.
She is your prisoner, and so it is only natural that this duty should fall to you.’
‘Master, I-‘
‘Do you refuse my orders?’
Lucius’s lips thin out and he shakes his head. ‘I do not, my Lord.’
‘Because if you are so averse to the murder of the girl’s parents,
Serleina: WHY ARE YOU STILL–
Piffy: It should be, “You seem pretty averse. CRUCIO!”
Sigyn: KURUSHIYO, NYAAAA
Piffy: If you use that particular pronunciation, then they get tortured with bad anime.
Rini: *does the Sailor Moon attack dance while twirling the wand* Ku-ru-shi-yo~ nya~
Piffy: I said bad anime!
Rini: Sorry, I couldn’t remember the one from Kaleid Liner.
we could make things ten times simpler for everyone and just dispose of her. Or would that not sit comfortably with you?’
Sigyn: WHY ARE YOU ASKING?!
Piffy: He gave his order. He is not going to walk back on it.
‘Forgive me, but you misunderstand me,’ Lucius says smoothly, as if he were not getting Crucio’d on the floor right now because you do not correct the Dork Lard. ‘I merely believe that it might be… practical to allow the girl to live.’
Sigyn: I merely believe that you’ve overstepped your bounds like five times and should be writhing in agony, unable to speak.
Trent: … ooh, I like that idea.
Voldemort looks at Lucius for a long time. ‘Well then,’ he says eventually, ‘let us not waste time.
Sigyn: As opposed to what you’ve been doing, which is…?
Piffy: Wondering where Cthucius grew these gigantic brass balls?
Sigyn: Fair.
Go. You will need to leave the bodies so that their murder can be made as public as possible, for Potter must know what has happened.
Sigyn: As will the whole fucking Muggle world!
Piffy: I feel like sneakily killing them in their sleep doesn’t really have that much impact in terms of publicity, although I suppose he could have just been lying.
And when you have finished the job, you will need to tell the girl what you have done.’
A muscle goes in Lucius’ jaw. ‘Does she have to know about it?’
Rini: Yes, you chicken-fried moron, she has to know about it.
Piffy: Lucius is questioning Voldemort at every turn. “Our Lady of Eternal Patience”, indeed.
‘Of course she has to know. The whole point is that Potter needs to be aware that he has caused her suffering beyond endurance.
Sigyn: Except it’s not suffering beyond endurance! She tends to conveniently forget about her parents unless she runs out of things to whinge about for the moment!
Piffy: We are more bothered by Akumione’s dead parents than she is.
IYou
Sigyn: “Iyou”? Is it “I” or is it “you”?
must kill her parents, and then you must tell her of their deaths.’
Lucius looks as if he’s about to say something to Voldemort for a moment, but he seems to think better of it.
Sigyn: For once in this conversation.
He bows low, and then turns to leave the room.
Voldemort laughs. ‘There’s no need to look at me like that, Lucius!’ he calls after him. ‘After all, surely it is fortunate that the task falls to you, rather than to a man with a conscience!’
Sigyn: Why would you recruit a man with a conscience, first of all?
Piffy: Secondly, Voldemort is not chummy with his Death Eaters like this. Thirdly, Voldemort sees nothing morally wrong with murdering Akumione’s parents! They’re Muggles! He’s Wizard Hitler.
Rini: I’d ask how that’s relevant but I really don’t care.
Lucius pauses, his hand resting on the door handle, before he pushes the door open and leaves the room.
The scene melts away from me, but I don’t even register it.
So now I know the truth.
Screams bring me back to where I am. Screams of pain and agony that I know all too well – the screams brought on by a Cruciatus curse.
We’re still in the room of black ironwork, but things have changed. Voldemort is furious.
Sigyn: FOR ONCE! THANK YOU! OMG I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS
His face is grotesquely twisted, and he points his wand at the dark, writhing mass on the floor.
‘SORRY, LUCIUS?’ Voldemort screams, sending another jet of green light towards the black bundle.
Nathaniel: Green light isn’t torture, green light is death! Whatever he’s doing, he’s doing a very bad job of it! (I am not surprised.)
‘SORRY? YOU DARE TO COME TO ME WITH YOUR PATHETIC EXCUSES? YOU DARE TO OFFER ME YOUR APOLOGIES WHEN YOU LET POTTER ESCAPE SO THAT YOU COULD SALVAGE A WORTHLESS FINE LADY? SORRY? SORRY? SORRY ISN’T GOOD ENOUGH!‘
Sigyn: You know what, valid! This is the first time I’ve actually seen Voldemort acting like Voldemort in this whole entire fic!
The curse finishes.
Sigyn: …and there it goes.
Lucius lies sprawled on the ground, breathing harshly. He lifts his head. A small stream of blood escapes his lips.
Trent: Ooh….
‘I hope the little Fine Lady is worth it, Lucius,’ is all Voldemort says.
And then an invisible hook pulls at my back and I’m being dragged up, and up, through mist and fog and everything’s a blur-
I slam back into my seat, breathless and disorientated. I lean forward and rest my hands on the table in front of me.
I lift my head up slowly and I look across the table.
‘I believe you’ll understand when I tell you that what you just saw has been a worry of mine for some time now,’ Voldemort says.
His voice is cold, and very still. He’s angry, I think. I don’t know – I don’t really know him.
Sigyn: … you can’t parse anger in someone you don’t know?
Piffy: It’s Voldemort. Just assume he’s angry. Anger is one of Voldemort’s primary emotions.
‘At first, I thought nothing of it,’ he murmurs. ‘A bond sometimes emerges between a prisoner and a captive. It has happened amongst my Death-Eaters before, and it will happen again.
Désmoda: If you TOLERATE it, it happens! You murder them both in front of the other Death Eaters and make an example of them, and none of them will be foolish enough to let it happen again unless they are exceedingly stupid.
Piffy: For once– and it pains me to say this– I agree with Désmoda.
Akuma: Okay but can I take the validation you just gave her and keep it for myself?
Piffy: Be my guest.
Akuma: YAY! =D ALMOST AS GOOD AS BUBBLE TEA!
But when a loyal Death Eater ignores my orders in order to keep a Fine Lady prisoner close to them, then I know that something is very wrong indeed, and that things have gone too far.’
Désmoda: You are monologuing instead of murdering and this does not endear you to us.
Piffy: “When a loyal Death Eater ignores my orders <end of clause>,”
He pauses, watching me for a reaction. I school my face into an expression of puzzlement.
‘Tell me,’ he leans further forward in his chair, ‘what is there between the pair of you?’
Sigyn: A baby.
Serleina: THANKS FOR THE SPOILER ALERT, DUMBASS!
Sigyn: … oh shit you’re right that actually does happen.
‘I don’t know what you’re talking about,’ I say, infuriated at the squeak in my voice.
‘Does it need spelling out, girl? Lucius told me you were intelligent.’
Sigyn: Clearly he lied. He’s been doing that for a while now. I don’t understand why you’re surprised or why he’s still alive.
He sits back in his chair. ‘Tell me how the pair of you interact with each other.’
Sigyn: Buddy. Pal. Would you like to see the Bad Touch count?
Piffy: He’s talking like a therapist, not a Dark Lord.
Sigyn: …. Well, Actually… this is kind of how the DL in another ‘verse (in an RP I did recently– and note: I did not write him) was. AND NOW I SEE WHERE SHE GOT THE INSPIRATION. THANKS, OBSESSMUCH.
I take a deep breath, my heart racing.
‘Well, at first he tortured me,’ I say, trying to keep my voice monotonous. ‘You know that. He needed to get information out of me, and he chose to torture me to get it. But ever since we moved here he’s pretty much left me alone. He only ever sees me when he brings me downstairs to clean the house, or when he brings me my food. That’s all.’
His eyes are red slits of suspicion. ‘Nothing else?’ he says eventually.
‘Nothing else,’ I say steadily. ‘He barely even speaks to me.’
He brings his hand up to his chin as he studies me.
‘I must assume you are telling the truth,’ he murmurs.
Piffy: At this point, he should be like, “Lucius must have foreseen the Veritaserum and countered it.”
‘But tell me, Hermione, don’t you fear him?’
Piffy: Why does he care?
I nod. I can answer that question truthfully. ‘Yes, of course, after everything he did to me when I was first captured.’
‘No, you misunderstand me. What I mean is, do you fear him as a man?’
Sigmione: “No, Your Honor. I fear him as an Eldritch Horror. *grins dumbly*”
I pause for a second.
‘No,’ I say clearly. ‘I think my Fine Lady status keeps me safe in that respect, doesn’t it? Besides, he’s made it clear that I repulse him. I don’t think I’m really his type, am I?’
Piffy: Also, wow, yes, this is definitely a conversation I want to be having with a 70-year-old.
Sigyn: *snort* Grandpa Voldy.
He smiles. Evidently, he’s pleased with my answer. Perhaps not completely reassured, but I think he’s realised now that nothing’s really going on.
Piffy: I find it suspicious that Hermione hasn’t pointed out Lucius is old enough to be her dad.
He stands up and walks slowly around the table, eventually coming to stand next to my chair, looking down at me.
‘So, you do not fear Lucius,’ he says quietly. ‘Then what do you fear, Hermione?’
Sigyn: idk why don’t you bring out a Boggart.
I need to lie again. If I were to tell him what my real greatest fear was then he’d know everything he ever wanted to know about me and Lucius.
‘Death,’ is all I say. ‘I’m very afraid to die.’
Sigyn:
… ok.
It’s such a basic answer, and it’s not really one I believe.
Sigyn: Me neither, because I’ve actually read the books. And, more recently, seen the movies.
Perhaps I did once, yes, but since I’ve been captured I’ve learned that Dumbledore was telling Harry the truth for all those years – there are so many things that are worse than death.
Sigyn: Lady. That screenshot is from YEAR ONE.
Piffy: The first book didn’t happen!
But Voldemort smiles, and it’s like he’s smiling in sympathy. He might believe that we’ve got something in common here. He created the Horcruxes, after all.
Piffy: Ah yes, Grandpa Voldy, the reasonable authority figure, who is just so relatable!
‘Well, you are safe for the foreseeable future.
Sigyn: I hate everything about that sentence!
Piffy: If Voldemort suspected Cthucius was up to shenanigans with Hermione, he would have just killed Hermione already.
Lucius has seen to that.
Sigyn: ARE YOU HIS BOSS OR AREN’T YOU!? You are so weaksauce, dude, there’s no reason to be intimidated by you!
You would be dead several times over if it were not for his intervention.’
Sigyn: Why are either of them still alive?!
Piffy: At this point, it would be more plausible if Harry killed Voldemort and Cthucius went into hiding and is just pretending to Akumione that Voldemort is still around. That is the only way I can imagine them both being alive at this point.
Nathaniel: Unless Voldemort somehow also foresaw that he would suffer true death at the hands of Harry and had himself replaced by a Replica, and that’s who we’re dealing with now. Voldemort is dead and Harry killed him; there is only Replimort, Our Lady Grandpa of Eternal Patience. Or something.
Rini: … how high are you right now?
Nathaniel: Yes.
He smiles at me again, in a kindly grandfatherly way, as if he’s conspiring with me in some way. ‘Surely you cannot blame me for harbouring suspicions about the pair of you?’
I swallow. ‘I suppose not.’
He nods. ‘Well then, I believe we have finished here for today. You may stand.’
He steps back from me and I stand up quickly, eager to get away from him as soon as possible.
He walks over to the door and motions for me to follow him. I do so, but he pauses before he opens the door.
Sigyn: You’re gonna kill her now, right?
Nathaniel: I thought you said you’d finished this fic.
Sigyn: I never said that to YOU, hiveminder. But yes.
‘But tell me,’ he whispers. ‘You say that Lucius hates you. Could you tell me why?’
I say all that I can say.
‘He hates me because I’m a Fine Lady,’ I say simply. ‘That’s what it all boils down to, isn’t it?’
He raises his eyebrows. ‘You call yourself a ‘Fine Lady‘?’
I shake my head. ‘It’s what Lucius calls me.’
Sigyn: This is so frustrating because, from reading ahead, I know that this is where Voldemort confirms there’s something going on between them. Even though Voldemort had been using Lucius and Hermione’s first names, the fact that Hermione also uses Lucius’s first name is the “tell” for him.
Piffy: That is so dumb. Also, you know, he does have a son whom she might want to disambiguate him from.
There’s a short silence. For a moment, there’s a strange look in his eye. Then he smiles.
He opens the door to reveal Lucius in the corridor.
‘Take the Fine Lady back to her room,’ Voldemort says curtly. He turns to me, smiling. ‘Thank you for your company, Hermione. It has proved most… illuminating.’
I nod at him and I step towards Lucius, my legs shaking as the door closes behind me.
Lucius looks down at me, his eyebrow raised in a question. I give him the tiniest of smiles.
His face visibly relaxes, but he does not smile in return. He just nods before he grabs me by the arm and drags me up to my room.
Like Muggles Do: 252
COUNTS
“I’m Scared!”: 56
Like Muggles Do: 252
Did You Forget Your Prejudice?: 49
“You Coward!”: 25
Stop Holding My Hand With Your Hamfists!: 94
They’re Fucking Evil!: 114
Bad Touch: 387
“Bastard”: 46
Sigyn and Piffy React 