Eden, chapter 20: Wrath

CONTENT WARNING: ATTEMPTED RAPE

‘Some have won a wild delight,

By daring wilder sorrow;

Could I gain thy love to-night,

I’d hazard death to-morrow.

Could the battle-struggle earn

One kind glance from thine eye,

How this withering heart would burn,

The heady fight to try!’ – Charlotte Bronte, Passion

Sigyn: So, disclaimer. I had to paste this into Google Docs on my phone because it wouldn’t paste into WordPress on mobile browser. Much of the original formatting may be lost. Anyway, we have some new faces with us today.

Piffy: We’ve had the Man With Eyes Like Polished Bone on here before, but he was post-canon. I’m hoping a pre-canon version will be a better fit. Less amnesia, more experience with how people work.

The Man With Eyes Like Polished Bone: *decked out in red and gold silks and probably ten pounds of jewelry* *waves * Well met. Piffy has promised me an AU where the ugly business with the Man With Eyes Like Dark Clouds doesn’t happen, on the condition I accompany her to this reading.

Sigyn: We’ve also got these two. They’re not original characters; they’re from Crazy Ex-Girlfriend and I roleplay as them in a private Facebook group. They’ll be portrayed as their AU selves, not their canon selves, for the purpose of sporking this fic.

Nathaniel: *nods, looking down his nose disdainfully at the fic*

Trent: *waves cheerily*

Cin: You, Gryffindor-looking guy. Do you have a name? Like a name that people in this reality would use?

The Man With Eyes Like Polished Bone: Of course. I’m named–

Piffy: We’re calling him Ernest.

Ernest: Y-you are?

Piffy: I got someone else to name a post-canon you on a roleplay server to preserve With Eyes Like canon as a Nameless Narrative.

Ernest: … Very well. I shall answer to the name Ernest.

Cin: Okay, that’s a decent name.

Sigyn: Also, because of how much of a pain in the ass this was to format on WordPress, going forward, we’re thinking of switching to Blogger.

Eden, chapter 19: Father and Son

Sigyn: That’s not a chapter title, it’s an arc in DoF.

‘ANNE: O, wonderful, when devils tell the truth!
RICHARD: More wonderful, when angels are so angry.’ – William Shakespeare, Richard III

Cin: Yeah, I’m still getting DoF vibes.

Piffy: Yeah, I’m not going to have a fun time this chapter.

Serleina: NOT WITH THAT ATTITUDE!-

Eden, chapter 18: Three

 

CONTENT WARNING: Detailed suicidal ideation

‘He’s always, always in my mind — not as a pleasure, any more than I am always a pleasure to myself — but as my own being.’ – Emily Bronte, Wuthering Heights

Sigyn: 

HERMIONE JANE GRANGER. F. AGE: 17.

Sigyn: Not to be That Fan, but her middle name is actually Jean. Rowling was initially going to have it as Jane, but changed it after giving Umbridge “Jane” as a middle name.

Displays features of –
A. Severe Depression
B. Anxiety Disorder
C. Obsessive Behaviour

D. Self-harm

E. A Goat.

ADMITTED FOR LONG TERM RESIDENTIAL TREATMENT. BUILDING RESTRICTION UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE. TWENTY-FOUR HOUR WATCH.

Cin: Not that Hermione shouldn’t be committed at this point, but… lolwut?

Sigyn: Why would she be under building restriction? She’s not a flight risk!

Piffy: Maybe she gets double-kidnapped by St. Mungo’s!

Sigyn: I have the perfect mood music for that!

Piffy: It’s Mungomort and the Brain-Eaters!

Sigyn: What a great name for an album. I’ll pitch to Wholesome!Lucius when he’s old enough to music. (He was born July 1st, by the way.)

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Eden, chapter 17: Unimaginable

‘How blessed are some people, whose lives have no fears, no dreads, to whom sleep is a blessing that comes nightly, and brings nothing but sweet dreams.’ – Bram Stoker, Dracula

Sigyn: How blessed are some people who know how to quote something other than Dracula, Shakespeare, Tolkein, and the dictionary. Also, why aren’t you quoting The Picture of Dorian Gray or something like that? It would be far more apropos.

Piffy: At least it’s not that poem.

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Eden, chapter 16: Consequences

Anita Tanshen: IT BURRRRRRNNNNNNSSSS!

”What do you mean?’ said Frodo. ‘Surely the Ring was his precious and the only thing he cared for? But if he hated it, why didn’t he get rid of it or go away and leave it?’

‘You ought to begin to understand, Frodo, after all you have heard,’ said Gandalf. ‘He hated it and loved it, as he hated and loved himself. He could not get rid of it. He had no will left in the matter.” – J . R . R . Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

Sigyn: Why are you bringing LOTR into this? I understand that series is quite well-written.

Piffy: Because it’s not bad fantasy until it takes something that worked for Tolkien and forgets to weave the loose ends back in.

Eden, chapter 15: Grief

Sigyn: as in, “good GRIEF, there’s 35 more chapters of this.”

‘Methought I heard a voice cry ‘Sleep no more! Macbeth does murder sleep… Glamis hath murder’d sleep, and therefore Cawdor shall sleep no more; Macbeth shall sleep no more.’ – William Shakespeare, Macbeth

Piffy: I actually like “murdered sleep” as an expression for causing insomnia. We should bring that back.

Eden, chapter 14: Negotiation

‘ESTRAGON: It’d be better if we parted.
VLADIMIR: You always say that, and you always come crawling back.
ESTRAGON: The best thing would be to kill me, like the other.
VLADIMIR: What other? (Pause) What other?
ESTRAGON: Like billions of others.’ – Samuel Beckett, Waiting for Godot

*Edward Cullen intensifies*

The rules of the game are as follows – the players will take turns to make their moves. Do not reveal your hand to your opponent. If you choose to raise the stakes, do not bet more than you can afford to pay.

Sigyn: Poker? Really? You’re quoting the rules from poker? Also,

Piffy: Because Akumione constantly has her hand on the table, face-up.

Eden, chapter 13: Grey Area

Cin: … but how many shades of it?

Everyone else: *groans*

Eugenie: Pun Shame Corner. Now.

‘I could rest if you would not moan
Hour after hour; I have no power
To shut my ears where I lie alone.

I could rest if you would not cry;
But there’s no sleeping while you sit weeping-
Watching, weeping so bitterly.’ – Christina Rossetti, The Ghost’s Petition

Sigyn: Try some earplugs.

Piffy: So someone’s Edwarding and sobbing at the same time? That sounds extremely annoying and awkward. Can you just stop standing next to my bed crying? I’m trying to sleep.

Eden, chapter 12: Betrayal

Welcome back to the CoronaCon 2020 Eden Spork Marathon! 😀 Are you not entertained?

For the eyeing my scars, there is a charge
For the hearing of my heart-
It really goes.

And there is a charge, a very large charge
For a word or a touch
Or a bit of blood

Or a piece of my hair on my clothes.’ – Sylvia Plath, Lady Lazarus

Sigyn: Hey Averna, did you ever think about charging people for eyeing your scars? It would be lucrative!

Averna: I should have thought of that.

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Eden, chapter 11: Breakthrough

CW: ATTEMPTED RAPE, ATTEMPTED SUICIDE, ABLEISM (re: mental illness)

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‘If I be sane, then surely it is maddening to think that of all the foul things that lurk in this hateful place the Count is the least dreadful to me; that to him alone I can look for safety, even though this be only whilst I can serve his purpose.’ – Bram Stoker, Dracula

Cin: Oh, shut the fuck up, Harker. I always hated you.

Sigyn: Skrrrt. Harker did not want to bang Dracula. That just wasn’t a thing. No offense to Harker/Dracula shippers… actually, yes, full offense. Full offense and kinkshame.

On a lighter note, please have some Mood Music for the first few minutes of reading this chapter!